Humility vs Humiliation

Two words that initially seem so similar yet are so far apart. This topic comes up in meetings a few times a year for and I always struggle with remembering the difference between them. Todays meeting reading was form Voices of Recovery.

August 1

“[Humility] means that we are not too proud or ashamed to believe that we can be helped.”

Sex Addicts Anonymous, page 43

Humiliation was the attitude I brought to my first SAA meeting. I was ashamed of my acting out behaviors and was afraid of the possible consequences. I had grown up with a perfectionist religion and family structure and knew that shaming, rejection, and punishment were to be expected. I was fearful and wanted to avoid those reactions. In my meeting, I found caring and humble people who were also seeking help and who were willing to accept me in spite of my imperfections. Finding that acceptance was very healing. It helped me learn to trust my program friends, and to discover and trust my Higher Power.

I feared but did not know what reactions I would receive in response to disclosure of my character defects. First, I had to let go of my expectations of abuse and rejection. In many cases, I discovered more compassion and forgiveness than I had given myself.

I found that my fears were attempts to protect myself, and they were ineffective in doing so. Humility has helped me to become more teachable, vulnerable and open. My pride and my fears have kept me in a prison of my own making. Letting go of those fears and pride are showing me that I can be loved, I can be helped, I can become a healthier person, and I can show the same to others.

I can be loved, I can be helped, I can become a healthier person, and I can show the same to others.

A few quotes I found online that speak to me on this topic…..

“Humiliation is “to cause a painful loss of pride, self-respect, or dignity.” In contrast, humility means “a modest opinion of one’s own importance.” Happy teacher Mama. (Unknown) Learning Humility vs. Humiliation: The Difference is You. Link

“Humiliation is a terribly painful and destructive emotional state. It ranks very high among the things that people are afraid of. It is an overwhelming experience of shame and being degraded, usually in the eyes of others. Sometimes a person can be intentionally humiliated by another, in a sadistic attack that is intended to strip away all dignity and self-esteem.

Humility, on the other hand, is a relief. When individuals are able to gracefully accept that there are limits to their power and importance, and to not collapse into despair, shame, or impotent rage, this is a developmental accomplishment. It marks the move from fantasy to reality, from omnipotence to competence.” Michael Jolkovski. (Dec 11). Humility and Humiliation. Link

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